I’ll never forget my manager’s one-line email response when I let her know my father had died overnight. “Feel free to take the day,” she wrote, so I did. The next day, though, I felt I was expected to show up to work as my normal self, as if one day was somehow sufficient to process the most significant loss in my life up to that point.
I’m sure she didn’t mean it that way. More likely, she didn’t know what to say. Or maybe she was waiting for me to tell her what I needed. Though we all must face loss sometime in our life, it’s a deeply personal experience. And because grief is so personal, it can be difficult for others, especially coworkers and managers, to know how to support us.
Indeed, a qualitative study in the UK found that many employees who returned to work after the loss of a loved one wanted their grief to be acknowledged and allowed. When they were instead met with silence from coworkers, they felt increasingly isolated and disconnected. On the other hand, at least one research participant felt relieved that their colleagues mostly ignored their grief: “Hardly anyone asked me anything, and it was a huge relief, to be honest, just to be left alone and to get back to it.”
Supporting grieving employees is important for them and the organization
Despite the personal nature of grief, supporting grieving employees is important for their sense of psychological safety and for creating community in the workplace, say Dr. Mekel Harris, a licensed psychologist, and Janet Gwilliam-Wright, MPA, a leader in organizational change. They wrote:
“Creating space within organizations to normalize grief and loss, as well as institute practical tools for supporting grieving employees, is absolutely critical. In addition to the connection between managers and grieving employees, it is also important for HR leaders and managers to facilitate opportunities for community within the workplace. Whether in the form of public forums to better understand grief and collectively support employees who are grieving or private circles for employees to routinely gather, community matters.”
They also suggest that failing to support grieving employees can affect the health of the organization. “Employees’ experiences of isolation or lack of compassion from their management teams may contribute to them leaving the organization altogether, with ripple effects experienced in terms of productivity loss and employee turnover.”
Most employees don’t feel supported for grief and want their employer to do more
When you consider that grief is a common experience and often an enduring one, it’s easy to see the need for grief support across the workforce. But Calm’s 2024 Voice of the Workplace Report showed that most employees don’t feel supported. In fact, fewer than half (47%) of employees surveyed feel their employer is supportive when it comes to grief and loss.
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The majority of employees would appreciate grief support from their organization, however. Eighty-five percent of 1,000+ adults responding to a survey by New York Life Foundation said they’d be proud to work for an organization that has publicly committed to being supportive of grieving workers. Survey respondents said their employers can best support them by
- Giving them time off to grieve,
- Offering them flexible working hours,
- Providing their manager with resources about how to best support them,
- Offering to reduce their workload and adjust deadlines, and
- Providing resources to support grieving individuals.
In fact, employees are searching for grief-support resources. Grief is now a top-five search term on Calm, just behind sleep, stress, and anxiety. This suggests that there’s a strong need for grief support and for support that’s accessible anytime, anywhere, and on one’s own terms.
Calm Health resources support grieving employees
To help meet this need, Calm has introduced Grief Support: A Guide to Coping After Loss, a new 7-session series on Calm Health designed to be a welcoming space for grieving, no matter how it’s experienced. Created in collaboration with Dr. Michelle Fang, a grief expert and licensed clinical psychologist, each session features evidence-based insights and methods for navigating loss. The series is narrated by Jeff Warren, a writer and meditation instructor known for his dynamic and accessible style of teaching, and it includes written resources for employees.
Grief Support: A Guide to Coping After Loss includes the following sessions:
- Understanding the Nature of Grief
This session explains the common ways that grief can affect the mind and body, helping listeners cope with and accept thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and physical sensations as they arise. - How Grieving Falls Along Two Tracks
Listeners are introduced to the dual tracks of the grieving process: on one hand, feeling intense emotions about the loss, often triggered by thoughts of the past, and on the other, focusing on the present and the things that need to get done. Shifting between the two is a way of coping. - Ideas for Using Ritual and Memorials to Cope
Listeners are invited to step out of “normal” time and step into “sacred time” where ritual and ceremony can happen. Using rituals and memorials is a way to express emotions and honor someone who’s died, helping a person in grief feel less helpless or out of control. - A Checklist for Checking on Yourself
Experiencing grief can feel like moving aimlessly through a fog. Listeners are encouraged to gently ask themselves about areas of self-care such as nutrition, sleep, and grooming, with the goal of identifying one or two areas they may want to give extra attention to that day. - Writing to Your Loved One
Every person experiences grief in their own way, but it’s common to need an emotional outlet. Writing a letter to a loved one who’s died can be an effective way to organize one’s thoughts, express emotions, and bring a sense of connection, settledness, and acceptance. - The Two Chairs Technique for Processing Emotions
Warren walks listeners through a 2-part exercise designed to help a person in grief process any unfinished business they may have with a loved one—things they would have said or questions they want answers to. - When Grief Becomes Prolonged and Complicated
Listeners learn about prolonged and complicated grief and how it differs from depression or intense grief that arises during holidays and anniversaries. Warren invites them to do a short exercise that might provide some extra support as they navigate prolonged grief.
Employees can also access the following programs on Calm that are related to grief:
- Grieving, a 16-session series of talks and meditations to help people grieve with love and honesty by renowned grief counselor and research professor Joanne Cacciatore, PhD.
- Caring for Your Grief, a 9-part meditation series by meditation teacher Lama Rod Owens to support people through times of loss and change.
What my manager could have done better
If my manager had asked me how she could have responded better to my message about my father’s death, I would have suggested a few things. She could have offered her sincere condolences. She could have suggested that I take the time I needed, because I was a responsible employee. She could have explained what the company’s bereavement leave policy was or sent flowers with a card.
I’ll never forget her response, but I don’t blame her. The stigma around death and grief is strong, and as a new manager, she probably hadn’t yet had to deal with this situation. We can all learn by sharing our experiences of grief and loss. In honor of National Grief Awareness Day, take a moment to think about how you can better support people who are grieving.
For more information on proactively supporting employee mental health and well-being, check out our pricing or connect with a Calm specialist today.
